I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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