im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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