Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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