You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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