im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
