I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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