the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
