just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
