So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
