glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
