even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
