the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
