I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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