Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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