woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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