Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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