I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
