It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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