Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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