Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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