I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
