She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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