they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
