i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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