sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
