She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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