I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
