True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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