Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Welp...herpes.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
