nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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