there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
