He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
