just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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