Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
