Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
