why didn't you poke me back
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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