I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
