If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
