the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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