so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
