I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
