All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
