I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
