I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
