I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
