Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
