just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
