Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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