my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
