Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
