You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
