just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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