I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize