I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Help. Why am I so naked?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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