I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
