I must be too annoying 4 u.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You made out with two different species that night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
