did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
