I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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