I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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