there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Rumble strips road head = magical
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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