I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
