how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
