We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
