Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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