Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
