I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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