we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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