***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
