Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
