When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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