he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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