I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
