just come out here and I will go home with you...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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