Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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